It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
