Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
