Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
