my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
