I want to walk on stilts...naked
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
