Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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