YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
