Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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