Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
