i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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