i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
