Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just tell him i said nine months
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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