Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
