some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize