Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize