I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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