i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
