Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
