the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
