Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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