He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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