You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize