It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
