Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
