She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
