ya dads aren't the best wingmen
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I stole a fireplace last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize