so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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