she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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