who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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