Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
