If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
