rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
