just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
