I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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