a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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