Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
