No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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