Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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