I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
