i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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