I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
