you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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