I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
