Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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