please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
