if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
