Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
