I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize