you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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