every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
