I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
