Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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