dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
