You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
