Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
