he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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