you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
pray to the hookup gods
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
