the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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