dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
