i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
