jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
