You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
